


Existence

by hungrybookworm



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Community: 31_days, Dark, Drabble, M/M, Spoilers up to the Chimera Ant arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-14
Updated: 2008-08-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 10:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1301053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hungrybookworm/pseuds/hungrybookworm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the weeks, months, years went by, Killua began to realise that his entire existence was based around Gon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Existence

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 31_days 14/08 - 'Raison d'être'. Hunter x Hunter is the property of Yoshihiro Togashi.

As the weeks, months, years went by, Killua began to realise that his entire existence was based around Gon.

He first noticed it during their training on Celestial Tower, at night when he sat on his bed and reflected on their experiences together. Despite the muffled shouts from the corridors outside, his room felt horribly quiet, and there was an odd, sad feeling in his chest that Killua couldn’t pinpoint. It was usually gone by the morning.

Except one morning it wasn’t gone when he woke up, and it was then that he made the connection. Gon kept him sane. Gon kept him happy. Gon kept him alive. When Gon wasn’t around, the darker, lonelier sides to his personality crept out and threatened his newfound humanity. Without Gon, he was this empty, destructive creature. With Gon, he was a regular twelve-year-old boy.

He was happy.

Gon was far too strong to get himself killed. He was too determined. This gave Killua peace of mind. Gon wasn't going to die on him.

Despite a few hiccups with the Phantom Troupe, the first major shock came in Greed Island, when Killua saw Gon’s hands. All he really saw was a bloody mass, a missing hand and crimson blood splashed across the ground, but it was enough. Gon’s breath was quick and shallow, and he was going into shock. For a few seconds, Killua forgot about everything. The cards, the plan, the bomber… everything. For a few agonising seconds, Killua honestly believed that Gon was going to die.

He nearly became hysterical.

Things got worse after that. NGL and the Chimera Ants broke away all the comforts and securities Killua had with him. The entire scenario was a living nightmare. The bruises, the blood, the bodies, Kite, Gon’s gentle eyes filled with rage, the anger, the terror, the absolute desperation of it all…

If Gon died, Killua would go with him. He decided that before they ran into the palace together. If Gon died, Killua had no reason to exist. He didn’t tell Gon, because he knew that his friend would promise him the same, and Killua didn’t want that. Gon had to be kept alive, because a world without Gon would be a horrible, cold place with no light or hope.

To have one’s existence completely dependant on another… it was a stupid idea, but it happened none-the-less. Killua almost laughed.


End file.
